Skin and Bones

A couple of conversations with different people lately have left me thinking about family, what it means to be family, how to make and keep those strong, lifelong relationships of love and trust and honesty.

I think my whirlpool of thoughts stem from Little Monster, as they often do. I got to thinking about my blood relationships. What's great about them? What do I want to change? How do I nurture my relationship with Little Monster so that we can love and trust and be honest with each other into adulthood?

That last one is a really hard question. I'm lucky with my blood family. I have strong and loving relationships with them. That's not to say everything about our relationships is always perfect but there are many people out there who constantly struggle to have positive relationships with parents, siblings, extended family. I think there are a lot of reasons for it. Oftentimes, people are just different. They grate against each other and, with all the will in the world, they struggle to find common ground. Other times I think there's such a weight of expectation of what your family should be that it stops people from appreciating what they are.

For most of my adult life, for a number of reasons, I've been a big believer that families can be made, not just born and constructed from the same DNA. There is an urban term 'skin and bones' which refers to when your friends become your family. Some of the people I've met along the way fall in to that category. Some of them have been around most of my life. Some of them I've just met in the last few years. Some of them I've only ever met virtually. All of them are family to me because of what they are and what they mean. They are family because they don't judge me for what I tell them and they're family because I know they'll be there, physically or otherwise, no matter what happens. One of those family recently told me that a friend she met online is going to live with her. The circumstances that led to that inspire me on many levels and just make me believe more firmly in building family. Isn't the greatest accolade to choose someone to be family?

To build that kind of relationship with Little Monster, I know that I'm probably going to have to work harder at it than a lot of people. I'm not naturally open. I tend to keep things internalised, at least until I've resolved them. And there's a reasonable chance that Little Monster will inherit that from me, so I'll have to work doubly hard. But I know that I want to offer him that kind of relationship with me. If families are chosen and not born, I want him to choose me one day.

A Change of Scenery

This post is nothing more than a blatant excuse to share some gorgeous pictures of Little Monster. We bought him a fleecey snowsuit so that we could keep him warm when we go walking with him in the backpack. Last weekend we really needed to clean out the gutters (in a been-putting-it-off-for-months kind of way) and we were a bit worried about getting it done whilst looking after Little Monster. It turns out, though, that a change of scenery was all he needed to keep him pretty content for half an hour and he sat here outside on a rug and played with his toys. Here's the little guy in all his gorgeousness.

A Merry Christmas on a Budget

One minor downside of a February baby is that, by their first Christmas, the statutory maternity pay has stopped. You're living on one (or no) income and trying to figure out how on earth you can pay the bills, let alone give your new bundle of joy their first Christmas in the way you'd like. I've thought long and hard about this. Here are my ideas on how to keep costs sensible and still enjoy a very Merry Christmas.

1. Don't go overboard. While I can't wait for Little Monster to be old enough to love the magic of Christmas and Christmas presents, in reality he's not there yet. He'll be 11 months old and more than happy to watch sparkly lights and play with boxes. Of course we're getting him some presents. But there'll be a few wrapped empty boxes too, because I know he'll love it. I know that we don't need to go mad on presents for him to have a great day.
2. Smart shopping. If you're prepared to do a little leg work on the interweb first, you can't probably find your gifts for significantly less than if you buy them in the first shop you see. Sign up to the daily deals websites like Zulily and you might be able to find what you're looking for at a significant discount.
3. Secret Santa! It's lovely to have met so many great new people since Little Monster was born but buying Christmas (and birthday) presents for so many little people can really add up. A group of us have decided to do a secret santa scheme for all of the 1st birthdays so that we're not all buying loads of presents and you could do the same for Christmas if you're exchanging gifts with friends.
4. Make It! It's not everyone's cup of tea but I've met a lot of very creative mums out there. Put your creative skills to the test and knit, crochet, sew, cut, stick and bake your way through your Christmas list. Handmade presents can be lovely and unique and they don't have to cost the earth.
5. Buy handmade... Not everyone can make their own gifts but you can buy handmade gifts and they are often great value. Little Monster is now the proud owner of a lovely personalised stocking from this Etsy store. Etsy is a great place to find something a bit different for those difficult-to-buy-for people too.
6. Something old, something new? I have to confess that I buy most of Little Monster's clothes second hand and I decided to buy some small Christmas gifts for him second hand too. The thing is, clothes and toys are grown out of so quickly that you can buy them like new and Little Monster will probably only use them for a few months! I stumbled on a great second hand kids clothes and toys stall at the market where I picked up a couple of small presents.

I'm sure there are other ideas out there and I'd love to hear yours. How do you keep costs down at Christmas?

Backward is the way forward

I don't remember who or what first pointed me in the direction of Extended Rear Facing (ERF) car seats. It's not the most exciting topic for today's blog post but it's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. (Such is the fast paced excitement of my life).

Car seats are a slightly controversial topic because it involves safety and noone likes to have their choices questionned. Every parent wants to pick the best and safest options for their child and I'm not here to judge anyone for those choices. One major issue in choosing to go with an ERF seat in the UK is that they are priced from £200-400! Conversely, you can pick up a fully compliant forward facing car seat for £60-£100. Annoyingly, if you buy an equivalent ERF seat in the US, they are similar prices to our forward facing seats. It seems fundamentally wrong that a type of seat which is proven to reduce road deaths should be priced at a point which is unattainable for a large number of parents. Sometime, someday, somehow, it would be great to see a change in the UK legislation on rear facing car seats which would help to reduce the prices but for now, I just want to help raise awareness.

So here's the facts: The law in the UK is that babies must use a rear facing car seat until they are 9 months old or weigh 9 kgs. In Scandanavia and, more recently, some US states, it is now standard for children to stay rear-facing until they are much older (as late as 4-5 yrs in some cases). The reason is simply that, in a frontal collision, a child is five times safer in a rear facing seat. Children are still growing and developing and the force of an impact affects them in a different way to an adult - a rear facing seat cushions those forces and they are proven to reduce child deaths.

If you can afford to consider the ERF seat option and want more information, take a look at www.rearfacing.co.uk which has all of the background and also a list of UK stockists (sadly few and far between). And whether you're going for forward or rear facing, we had a really great experience with www.incarsafetycentre.co.uk, based in Milton Keynes. They have a large range of all car seats and will spend a lot of time with you to work out the best option to fit your car.

Safe and happy driving x

Mama

When did the little newborn that I brought home those months ago get so big? When did he find time to outgrow five lots of clothing? And learn to roll? And sit up? And eat? Every day Little Monster makes me smile with some new trick, whether it's a new sound or a new way to play with a toy. It never fails to amaze me how much he manages to cram into a day.

This weekend has been a weekend of change in Little Monster's world. He has migrated to a new car seat. He's going in an Extended Rear Facing (ERF) seat which can theoretically carry him up to around 6 years old. Whether we all survive that long with him rear facing is another discussion...but we're happy this is the safest option for him long term. If you're in the market to upgrade your baby's seat and want to know about ERF seats, there's some great information at http://www.rearfacing.co.uk.

Little Monster also cried for solid food for the first time. I thought he had cried for solids a week or so ago but wasn't sure. Today was the first day that he's rejected a bottle in favour of food when he was hungry. This is really scary. I find it so hard to fit meals in...the eating of them, let alone the preparing...and to find a repetoire of things that he can eat. I guess I'm going to have to spend a lot more time figuring it out! Here's the little guy trying to get my phone when he should be eating:

Lastly, and most significantly in my little world, Little Monster said mama for the first time. I don't think he knows mama is me...but he's made such big changes in his speech recently, I can't wait for the first real word to pop out!

It's strange to feel melancholy at only 8 months in, wondering where your baby went. But I guess the thing is, he's not so much a baby anymore. And that's exciting and sad all at the same time.

Weaning Worries

One thing I've realised so far about being a parent is that it never seems to be the things that you thought would worry you...that worry you. I'm fairly laid back about baby milestones in general. I don't get all angsty that my baby hasn't fully learnt to sit yet or isn't crawling when younger babies than him are already finding their way. I figure he's working on other stuff and as long as he is heading in the right direction, it doesn't matter if it takes him a few weeks longer. The thing that has got me all on edge is weaning, and I really never thought it would.

I started offering Little Monster some basic foods when he was about 5.5 months. I decided a long time ago that we were going to follow a baby led weaning approach so I offer the normal food we eat, perhaps cut into pieces he can pick up, rather than giving him purees. I like the approach. It requires less preparation - which is great in our house as there's really nowhere in the kitchen that I can have Little Monster with me so once he is crawling, I need to spend the minimum amount of time away from him! It also means that the baby can feed themselves from the start so that you can all eat together, rather than spending ages spoon-feeding the baby and then having to entertain them while you eat your (now cold) dinner. I'm not going to preach the numerous and varied studies on this subject but suffice to say it is interesting and has great foundations.

The problem is that Little Monster is now 7 months old and he still eats very little food. He is good with bread-type foods that turn to mush in his mouth but anything that requires him to bite or chew (including, to increase my worry levels) most fruits and vegetables. Don't get me wrong, we have made some progress. In the first few weeks he didn't swallow anything and most times wouldn't pick food up from the mat and put it in his mouth. He is now doing both of these things which are significant skill developments.

But still I worry.

I worry that he's going to be a fussy eater and refuse anything but bread! I know that's a little irrational at this stage but it's so disheartening when I see his peers all happily munching away. I think the worst bit is that it's so hard to know when you should be worried. Now? At 9 months? 10? A year?

I know that, for right now, all I can do is persevere. I have to offer a variety of food every day, even if it all goes on the floor.

And, until he's eating other foods consistently, he's definitely not having cake.  Which is more for me.

Hay Days and Holidays!

Today was the last day of holiday and, in the way of these things when the holiday has been good, I'm a little melancholy and reflective. I wished so much to take Little Monster to the beach for the first time, to see his reaction as the waves washed over his feet and let him squish his toes in the sand. I had that, and so much more. We laughed when a big wave caught us and took photos so we'll never forget.

We went to Dartmouth on the ferry and watched a steam train chunter past. We wandered around Coleton Fishacre, tried a HippyChick Hip Seat for the first time. We watched pigs at the farm and giggled at the monkeys at the zoo. There were lunches and cups of tea in the garden. Ice cream and fresh picked raspberries. Evenings with wine and a good book.


And lying here now, curled up in bed on our last night, I realise how much my son and my husband have influenced this trip and are constantly making me want to be better than I am. Little Monster, at nearly 7 months, has adapted so easily to being here and has displayed more patience than I often do. My husband used up his holiday to care for me when I was ill and couldn't be here. He is kind and generous and has never shown a moment of resentment that he couldn't join us.

All in all I'm feeling really lucky. I had a great holiday and a great time watching Little Monster and all his 'firsts'. And tomorrow, I'm going home where hubs is waiting to give us end-of-holiday hugs.