Happy Birthday, Sweetling.

I wasn't expecting you.
I knew you were coming, of course.
But I didn't know your arrival would bring tears,
Tears that ran down my cheeks and gently wet your newborn skin as the midwives bustled around us.
When my boy held so much much of my heart, I wasn't expecting to have enough love left,
Not just to love you,
But to love you so much, and so differently, that my heart hurts.
I wasn't expecting you to be so different, sweetling,
And for those differences to make my breath catch.
Your brother made the sun shine on cloudy days,
And you have brought the rainbow.
When you crawl to me and lay your sweet head on my lap,
I wish that I could put those moments in boxes,
And open them one day,
That I may never forget how you were in that moment...for 100,000 photographs are never enough.
We have had a rollercoaster year, you and I,
You have learnt to crawl and point and clap your hands and say "That!"
I have learnt that some days I don't have the patience for two, and that some days that's ok.
We've had worry and poorly nights and hospital visits and the best first family holiday we could wish for.
I wish you a very happy first birthday, sweetling.
May every year be so bright.
I wish you love, happiness and adventure in equal measure,
And maybe, just a smidgeon, of sleep.