One

My sweet baby.

It's not often I'm lost for words. But somehow, today, it's so hard to tell you what this year has been, what it's meant and how I'm grateful every day for the gift of you.

This blog was about you, about us, about our journey. When I started it we had only just met and you were tiny and wrinkly and new. I didn't know how to be a mother and you didn't know how to be a son. Now, on the eve of the day that we celebrate your first birthday, I can't help thinking back through those months.

Those first few months were so hard. Every day I thought I was doing it wrong and that it would never get easier. Gradually I learnt that I could leave the house, I would sleep again and you would go longer than 2 hours without a feed eventually. I remember lovely spring days with you in the sling, walking up to the woods. I walked through the bluebells and wondered when you'd be old enough to appreciate them. I remember how you loved the baby massage classes and started to lift your head and shoulders off the floor.

At 6 months we went on your first seaside holiday, to visit Granny and Grandad in Devon. You had such a wonderful time and I'll never forget how you stood bravely in the waves, excited to see and smell and touch. One day soon, we'll be back there laughing as you chase seagulls along the shore.

Now, at a year, you are still making me smile every day as you learn new things. You're just starting to move by yourself and I've no doubt you'll soon discover just how much freedom you could have.

From the very first day we met, you showed the world how chilled out you could be. You watched everything and took it all in. You've always liked to see how things work and you test the boundaries in every sense. Every day, your personality shines through just a bit more and I can't wait to know the person that you become.

Happy birthday, my sweet baby. I hope you learn and grow every year as much as you have this year. I hope every year brings you new experiences. And I hope every year, you know how much we love you. X